Insomnia for dummies

So this is roughly how my internal dialogue went last night:

Me: Right, better get some sleep, go tot be up for work in a few hours
Brain: Really? But you want to know what happens next in that book don’t you?
Me: It will still be there tomorrow
Brain: How heartless of you leaving those poor characters in limbo, you don’t deserve books when you don’t appreciate what they offer you.
Me: I do, really I do! But………oh ok, one more chapter.

An hour passes

Me: Ok, peril averted, definitely time for sleep
Brain: Good plan, you have work in the morning you know. By the way wouldn’t it be cool if you had a jet pack and never got stuck in traffic again?
Me: wow, that would be cool but I would worry about burning my trousers and turning up at work with embarassing singe marks
Brain: I bet you could get flame retardent arse trousers
Me: Yeah but………..hang on, I know your game. I am not having this conversation, it’s sleep time
Brain: Oh yes, good point. Do you know what’s better than sleep though? Remembering every embarassing, awkward and regretful thing you’ve ever done in your whole life!
Me: No, that is not better, that is a bad thing and leads to madness
Brain: Well you are already talking to your own head. So remember that time ten years ago when you…..
Me: No! We aren’t doing this. I’m going to get all mindfulness and breathing exercisey on your ass
Brain: I don’t have an ass, I’m your brain. That’s the bit you think from as opposed to the bit you talk from
Me: Breathe in, one two, three, and out on, two, three
Brain: Actually I do feel better. I could totally sleep now.
Me: Phew
Brain: But first a song! Here’s a medley of all the songs that really irritate you
Me: Noooooooooo!
Brain: *sings* ‘hey, sexy lady…call me gangnam style maybe….’
Me: Guess I’ll just get up then